:)  i kno i’ve been keeping korea a secret from some people…but it was mostly cuz of my mom.  my dad wanted me to keep it a secret cuz he was afraid that my mom would flip out.  i didn’t mind but i guess i didn’t want my dad to suffer for 2 months cuz of me.  ahhh but God is sooooo sooooooo good cuz i kept praying…”Lord, if this is reallie ur will for me then i pray that my mom will accept it and that she wouldn’t give me a hard time.  i pray that we wouldn’t fight over this and that i would have her blessing.” 

well….my dad fiiiinally told my mom about the date yesterday!  :)  she now knows that i’m not just waaanting to go to korea but i’m actually leaving on the 12th (lol)…hallelujah!  and she’s fine with it.  she didn’t say one opposing word!  :D  mmm…i think it’s a miracle.  she’s actually in a good mood these days.  weird, huh?  i don’t get it…but i’m thankful.  this is sooooo unlike her.  :) it’s totally God!  thank u, Lord!  :D

i think it’s funnie cuz everyone who knew would say….”are u craaaaaaazy?!  u didn’t tell ur mooooooom?!”  hahahaha…and i kno…it totally sounds like rebellion or something.  “ooooh~ u didn’t tell ur mom!!!!”  that kind of thing…but i had this knowing that i was following the Lord’s voice and that He’ll make it work.  hahaha…i was nervous but i was also at peace about it.  i was afraid that i would hurt my mom’s feelings for telling her so late but i had an assurance that God was going to work things out for me cuz i kno i kno i knooooooooo that i’m going to korea with God’s blessing.  weeeee~

so today i saw my life flash before my eyes.  :O  my dad bought me medicine cuz i’ve been groaning in pain for 4 days.  haha, i guess he was reallie worried.  he’s been checking up on me every few hrs.  so i took the medicine he brought home and…………..i was having anxiety for a good hr or so.  i was rolling in bed trying reallie hard to breathe cuz i felt like my blood was clotting or something…it felt like something was blocking my heart…and it hurt so much. 

i was feeling reallie light-headed too cuz i wasn’t getting enough oxygen and all i could think of was…”omg, i’m going to diiiiiiie.”  so i kept praying and drinking loads of water.  i drank like 4-5 bottles of water…and i asked my dad to pray for me.  he held my hand and was like….”ur hands are like ice!”  my head was spinning and i kept begging God to save me.  i just wanted to fall asleep but i was worried that i’d die in my sleep or something…so i tried sitting up but then i couldn’t breathe…and i’d lie down but my heart hurt so much…and then i thought i’ll go online to distract myself from the pain…but then i felt like fainting…ugh. 

i’ve had these feelings a couple of times in my life.  esp when i get indigestion or food poisoning.  being sick sucks…it reallie feels like ur dying.  made me realize how frail i am and it made me realize how hard it must be for the sick to find joy and strength in the Lord when they’re in so much pain…esp if it’s looooooooong pain.  like years and years of pain.  :(  but man…i said a little prayer for the sick.  that they would be grounded in the Lord and continue to be steadfast in His love. 

i pray that in my life, Lord…i’ll help people who are suffering.  make me into a person who can be a strength and comfort to others when they’re in need. 

thank You.  amen.