i can’t put it all into wooooords but… :)))))))

i’m so very thankful and i’m feeling reallie blessed at the moment.  it’s been a little weird lately…i’ve been feeling like a paper airplane.  lol…i feel like i haven’t put much thought into anything…feeling so emotionless…aimless.  i don’t kno wut to feel or wut to do with all of these sudden changes in my life.  i’ve just been going here and there…doing this and that…just floating about and it’s not necessarily a bad thing.  but i guess if someone asked me how i’ve been…all i knew was that i was well but i didn’t have a clue as to where i stood with everything and wut was on my mind or heart.

i’ve been wanting to just sit and process it out.  to kno wut’s going on inside of me…and to have focus and clarity again in my mind but i couldn’t get myself to just sit and write or think.  maybe it’s cuz i wasn’t ready for it.  i wasn’t ready to let myself feeeeel everything and to let it all sink in.  i suppose my heart is telling me that it’s time again and it’s ready to let me innnn to sort things out now.  :)  haha~

i’m reading the shack.  :)  i picked it up a while backkk and i never finished the book so i’m reading it again.  hahaha…i’m so glad i didn’t finish it last time cuz i feel like i can appreciate it more now than i would have before.  i love how in the book…God says, He is all about love and relationship.  that’s who He is…and that’s why it only makes sense that God is the trinity…three in one cuz without another…we can’t reallie know love fully.  mmm..amen.  :)  life = love & relationship.  i’ll keep that one in mind.

i also love how the book’s about this guy named mack and he’s reallie hurt and angry…and God writes him a letter of invitation.  :)  He invites mack to go away with Him and they have this encounter…and God sets it all up cuz it’s time for mack to find understanding and healing.  i feel like this book is so perfect for me right now cuz i kno one chapter of my life is coming to an end and another one is just about to start…and i’ve been reallie anxious about it.  i’ve been wrestling with mixed feelings too…feeling good - knowing that this is right and wut i need…and feeling bad - thinking that i made a bad mistake because i’m just afraid of taking a risk and of change.  but no matter wut i’m feeling…i kno that there’s been a gentle whisper…

and i kno God’s telling me that He has something planned for me even if i can’t see a road before me, there is a road…and there are things that are waiting for me cuz God has me in mind.  He’s been reminding me that even when i forget Him…even when i feel like He’s forgotten me…i’m always on His mind.  man…His love.  His unfailing love…and His ever-present presence…it’s such a humbling truth. 

i feel just like mack.  :)  i feel like God keeps beckoning me in my heart…and there’s this invitation.  i won’t kno wut it’s all about until i get there…but i kno He’s calling me and beckoning me to go away with Him to find healing and understanding.  and reading about mack just makes me feel the nearness of God in my own life cuz through this book i feel like God is painting a picture for me.  :)  helping me to realize wut He wants for me…and confirming the small whispers and small knowings in my heart.  giving me assurance.  :)))

mmm…welllllllll….little by little i am finding closure here.  for one thing…i see that God is faithful to me and He hears and sees my heart.  He answers my prayers in due time.  :)  whenever He asks me to go somewhere…i always end up asking God to take care of my family cuz i won’t be here to help…and already He’s showing me how He’s providing for them and that means so much to me cuz He’s beginning to answer my prayers even before i leave.  i feel like He’s doing this intentionally so that i could see a glimpse of wut’s to come before i go…and to give me peace.  of course it’s probably so much bigger than that.  it’s His love for my parents…and everyone else involved but still…i’m still amazed by His grace.  :)  some people will never see wut they hope for in their lifetime…and i’m sure there will be a few things that i’ll never witness tho i dream of it in my heart…but still…the fact that God still answers some of my desires and allows me to witness a few things that i put my faith into…wow.  haha~ ittt truuuuuuly blesses my heart.  :)  thanks God.  ur always so good to me.

:)  but wut i’m thankful for most is just this relationship that i have with God.  it’s reallie nice to kno that i have someone who reallie cares about me…and someone who will walk with me…who waaants to be with me…who i can talk to about the deepest things…who understands…who is willing to always help me…and who is all knowing.  :)  it’s good that God knows…when i don’t have a clue about things cuz i can find comfort in His strength…and i can find hope when i trust Him. 

so here’s to an end and a new beginning.  :)  and cheers to a lifetime of conversations with God.  thank u for taking each step with me and for this spring season in my life.

dear God,

we’ll be there together soon.
:)  and we’ll run together.

urs always,
merissa.